my sexuality: struggling.

I'm torn between going back in the closet and coming out again

"As what?" I assume you care enough to ask,

"Confused"

For I know not what I like, nor what I dislike,

Know not who I want, and certainly not who I don't,

Today I feel like a fraud,

Like the years my people have fought and continue to fight for representation are down the drain because I cannot answer the simple question who am I?

It's funny how I call them my people yet I struggle to identify as them, longing for whatever I long for

Belonging.

I am a stranger in my own skin

The hairs that rise at the blow of wind on my arms and legs are not tied to my soul, they are unknown to me, strange

And Lord knows I fear strangers.

Nothing is like me, sole, grave

I don't identify with any label the same way I don't identify with my friends,

I try and I try to fit in the box but I am, a circle and like a balloon, in order to fit, I must pop, lock and twist myself in ways my body doesn't know how.

I struggle to identify with everything, everyone, anything, anyone

I struggle.

One moment I am straight, the next I am gay, in the afternoon I call myself Bi but the only goodBi I say is to peace

I-

I am struggling,

With this, that, and the next.

Struggling is the only place that feels like home

Is there a letter for that in the alphabet soup?

Is there a place for me anywhere?