in and out.

you mentioned it once. just once. i’m bustling through people in one of my least favorite places in this entire Nairobi, yet you only mentioned it once. i’m checking my Google Maps, with my phone glued to my hand, asking watchmen for directions, because you mentioned it once. i have nothing playing in my ears, the only melody i need is your voice in celebration when i give it to you, that which you only mentioned once. i have only one goal in mind, one mission to accomplish, one item to acquire, one that you only mentioned once.

i didn’t even know what you wanted looked like, all i had was a name and a color, and of course, a waning mpesa balance. but money comes and goes, memories last a lifetime. there’s so many memories you’re yet to make with it on your wrist. i can’t wait. i mustn’t wait. the best time was five minutes ago, the second-best time is now.

i don’t want you to owe me, i don’t want anything in return. just a smile. just your eyes lighting up from the mere fact that something you mentioned once manifested itself through me. i’m just but the vessel. and how proud i am to be. how willing am i to put it all on the line for something you mentioned once.

i have a lesson in an hour, so i must be in and out as soon as. i have to account for the time it’ll take me to walk from the smoking zone i’m in, where i have my half-lit cigarette, so let’s say, that’s a 10 minute walk. i have to find the mall, ask for the directions, go up and down stairs, 5 minutes. i have to account for the jam between Serena hotel and GPO, 20 minutes. the 5 minutes i need to spend “looking at their catalogue” when i’m only here for one thing that was mentioned once. 2 minutes of pleasantries because i’m not a rude fuck, regardless of how much of a hurry i’m in. i only have 17 minutes. it has be in and out.

one, two, three, the seconds tick in my brain. i must get going. i didn’t even stop to think of how much i hate how crowded the CBD is. no time for that. my skin might as well be melting off my face, but that doesn’t matter. i don’t even stop to think of the last thing i ate, and i hardly even noticed how my right toe is being slightly pinched by my shoes.

17 minutes sounds like a lot of time, until you have ADHD, and each corner you turn is someone pushing, another hawking, a conductor cat-calling you. but none of that matters now, i’m laser-focused. no time to be distracted.

———

i beat the clock. with 5 minutes to spare, i beat the clock. i have it in my hands, and now i can breathe. now i can smile, i can feel at ease.

until i realize i grossly miscalculated my time and i have an hour of free time.

all this time.

shit. i can’t open my big fat mouth and tell you what i got you. oh shit.