shitty :/

"You were my forever,

that’s a lie, but at least you existed...

now i’m treading the path of resistance,

now i scream but there’s no one to listen,

now i’m breaking and you’re in the distance."

i try to tell myself that it’ll get easier

see deceiving myself is much easier

cause the truth is so hard to admit

i might never be loved by you again and that’s shitty…

shitty is the word i use to describe feelings that english hasn’t conjured words for

because what do i call it when sadness feels like a relief in comparison to the grief that i hold?

what do i call it when my tears are the sweetest compared to the bitter taste in my mouth

what do i say when heartbreak is the simplest term to define the ache in my chest?

the one that feels like my heart struggles to pump blood to the rest of my body

my mind already dead because your waste gas was like oxygen to my lungs,

i’d eat the scraps of your remains and be fully nourished.

what am i supposed to call it?

surely it’s not heartbreak, see my heart was made for your loving and now that you’re gone it’s like it’s reached the end of its capacity,

i’m struggling for air yet i’m lying down.

glitter doesn’t shine anymore, and every positive emotion feels like overstimulation,

the color black is too bright and white is too dull,

the greys are so so fulfilling and the yellows are depressing,

the sky is red and the grass is purple

my vision is distorted but i don’t care because what does it matter if i’m not seeing you?