helplessness.

do you ever feel like you’re falling? your feet are not quite on the ground yet, your body’s approaching a horizontal state, but you’re not quite at the ground yet. you know we’re always told that the worst part about falling is when you hit the ground. when your skin scrapes the ground and you start to bleed, when your head hits the ground and you start to hear the ringing in your ears. we’ve been taught that the worst part about falling is the pain that comes right after the action is done.

but what do you call it when you feel your body aching to catch up to gravity? what do you call it when all you can do is feel yourself plummeting to the ground, where nothing you do can stop it, and all you can do is just watch? is that not pain? is that not hopelessness? where all you can do is pray that the ground beneath you is softer than when you last felt it with the tips of your toes, where all you can do is hope that gravity takes it easy on your weak, feeble body?

what is that then?

helplessness has caused me more damage than any amount of physical torment ever could. and unfortunately for me, it appears as though that’s my destination yet again.